Could you please tell me the name of a lsit that you have issues with? There really should not be any problems deleting lists due to size anymore. Neither selecting them.
Without adjusting any settings, a list almost regardless of size should only take 1-5 seconds to load on a desktop computer. The trick is that the client actually never gets more than 1000 rows at a time (configurable with the select box in the grid footer).
1000 rows should equal in about 100 kB of data, so bandwidth shouldn't be an issue.